


Standing on the Edge

by DarkWiccan, Laragh



Series: Be Here With Me [5]
Category: Wynonna Earp (TV)
Genre: Conversations, Established Relationship, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Interlude, Short, Vignette
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-23
Updated: 2018-01-23
Packaged: 2019-03-08 14:55:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,174
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13460616
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarkWiccan/pseuds/DarkWiccan, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Laragh/pseuds/Laragh
Summary: A relaxing evening leads to serious conversations.





	Standing on the Edge

**Author's Note:**

> Spoilers: Scattered references to seasons one and two.
> 
> This is our fifth collaboration for this series. Please read the notes at the end for nifty info on how we wrote this scene :)

 

 

 

The sunlight that had been filtering into Waverly’s bedroom had waned to a purple-blue glow as dusk had crept over the late-afternoon. Waverly and Nicole were cuddled on top of the soft, grey, comforter, near the head of the queen-sized bed watching a movie on Waverly’s laptop. After much debate, and cajoling from Nicole, they’d settled on “Imagine Me & You”. Glancing up to the clock on the bedside table, Nicole shifted and held her girlfriend a little more closely, muttering softly in her ear, “I should probably head home after this.”

 

Waverly naturally shifted with Nicole, their bodies staying closely twined. Watching Rachel climb up onto a car to declare her love was evoking the sentimentality intended for her and she really didn't want to leave that spot. It felt warm and close and **safe** and she wasn't sure why they would disrupt that? "Can't you stay?"

 

Nicole kissed the top of Waverly’s head, and then nuzzled it with her cheek. “I wish I could, baby. But CJ needs to be fed and I’ve got work tomorrow.”

 

Waverly kept her gaze forward at the screen, pretending to be very interested in the rolling credits. "Well, you can bring CJ with you when you come over here you know. Wynonna wouldn't mind. They could bond over being standoffish and loved by Doc."

 

Chuckling, Nicole gave Waverly another squeeze and slowly started to pull away. “I don’t think CJ would like being forced into her carrier multiple times a week. But thanks for the offer.”

 

Waverly made a small lunge forward to place a hand on Nicole's thigh, pushing down firmly enough to keep her there. "Wait."

 

Slightly startled by the move, Nicole sank back down into the mattress, and leaned back against the quilted headboard. “Okay...”.

 

Waverly's wrist jolted back, taking her hand with it. She exhaled a short breath and kept her gaze averted, like she was ashamed of what she was about to admit. "I don't like it when you go home."

 

Her gaze softening, Nicole leaned forward a little, and rested her hand on Waverly’s back, rubbing in small soothing circles. “Hey...,” she said softly, “I’m sorry.”

 

Waverly's gaze slowly lifted. "No, I'm sorry, I'm...I'm being a baby."

 

“No,” Nicole countered gently, “not at all. It’s not easy for me, either.”

 

Waverly's eyes flashed with a moment of relief. "Really?"

 

“Of course, Waves. Whether you’re leaving my place or I’m leaving yours. It’s never easy.”

 

Waverly's face brightened into a smile that shone right up through her eyes. "So let's stop doing it. And maybe I can sleep a whole night through without worrying about who might be on your doorstep."

 

Nicole’s brow furrowed. “Waves, are you... asking me to move with you?”

 

Waverly faltered at the less than enthusiastic reaction. "Well...I know living with Wynonna is asking a lot. But she's been a lot better since I put the lock on my door."

 

“So...here. You’re asking me to move in here?” Nicole couldn’t help her hesitation. While she absolutely wanted to make a home with Waverly, she wasn’t entirely keen on the idea of living at the Homestead. Newly-installed bedroom locks notwithstanding. Wynonna was a big personality and pretty much the opposite to herself, and Nicole worried about the inevitable clashes.

 

Waverly's eyebrows knitted together at the prospect of any other possibility. "I can't...I can't leave Wynonna now. After everything that happened. She's barely keeping it together. If I wasn't here she'd live on a liquid diet and probably wouldn't see daylight."

 

“I know, baby,” soothed Nicole, “I understand.” And she did. She **really** did. But that didn’t do anything to allay her concerns about moving in. If anything, they made them worse. “And I think you’re right. This is the most important place for you to be right now. I want us to live together, Waves, I really do. But the three of us here... could get pretty crowded.” She winced a little at her own excuse. It was lame, and she knew it, but she wasn’t sure she wanted to get into the deeper issues.

 

Waverly's eyes averted again. "Right."

 

Nicole felt her chest cave slightly. “Waverly...”

 

"No, I... I get it," Waverly replied, scooting away to stand up from the bed, "I do."

 

Nicole pushed up from the bed and came around the other side to face Waverly properly. “I’m not saying ‘no’ because I don’t want to, okay? I do. I want us to live together, Waves. To make a home. But, these circumstances...”

 

"Mm-hmm," Waverly nodded shortly, not with annoyance but contained disappointment, "Don't worry, it's not the first time I've been rejected because of my sister," she tried to joke.

 

Doing her level best not to grimace at the statement, Nicole placed her hands on Waverly's upper arms, dipping her head to look into her eyes. "This is not a rejection of you or Wynonna," she explained. "This is me trying to protect all of our relationships. Believe me, baby, it is going against every stereotypical lesbian bone in my body to not head right into town and rent the first U-Haul I can find."

 

"I heard you," Waverly replied, crossing her arms loosely across her chest, only for them to fall awkwardly by her side again.

 

Nicole sighed softly. "Why... why do you want me to move in?"

 

Waverly stood and walked over to her dresser, taking off any jewelry she had on. "Really, Nicole, it's fine. It's just...it's fine. You don't owe me anything."

 

"Waverly, talk to me." Nicole's voice was firm, yet gentle. She rejected her impulse to rush over to Waverly; to invade her space. Instead she held her ground, keeping her expression open.

 

Waverly turned. She went to shrug a shoulder but Nicole's gaze was so penetratingly genuine that she blurted instead, "I'm terrified."

 

That **did** cause Nicole to take a step forward. Her right hand reached out on its own, before she pulled it back carefully. "Of what, baby?"

 

Waverly ran her hand back through her own hair, just to hide its fidgeting. "That next time I come to your house it won't be in time."

 

Oh, thought Nicole. **Oh**. She pressed her lips together and nodded in understanding. That had not been a good day. Even just calling it a 'bad' day didn't feel like enough. Nicole couldn't deny how frighteningly close she had been to oblivion. She had been scared, so scared. But Waverly... Waverly had been petrified. Terrified to the point where she'd distrusted her faith in her own sister and made an impossible and dangerous choice. A choice that - whether they opted to dwell on it or not - was the reason they were currently in the position they were in. No wonder Waverly was so anxious to see her. All the time. Nicole had noticed the clingy-ness. It would have been hard not to. But now, it all made sense and Nicole mentally slapped herself upside the head for not recognizing it sooner. "Waverly, I... I'm so sorry." She closed the distance between them and wrapped the smaller woman up in her arms.

 

It was futile to resist and Waverly didn't want to anyway. She closed the hug and cuddled under Nicole's chin. **This** , this embrace was her safe place, no matter where they were.

 

"Okay," said Nicole, running her hands up and down Waverly's back. "What if we try doing split weeks to start? I can leave some things here. We can see how the three of us really get on?"

 

Waverly slowly pulled back, without removing herself from Nicole's arms and tilted her head up. "Wait...really?"

 

Nicole shrugged. "I want you to be happy, Waves. I don't want to add to the pile of worry you're already dealing with. If having me here helps with that... then I'll be here." She gazed off into the middle-distance. "Although, I'm really going to miss my couch. It's super comfy." She paused and then added wistfully, "Perfect height for jumping over."

 

Waverly paused, then nodded down into her chest. "Maybe we should table this for a little while."

 

Nicole's eyebrows knit together. "Are you sure? I really am open to making this happen, baby." True, the situation was less-than ideal, and she was still concerned about the inevitable pyrotechnics from a clash with Wynonna about... well... anything. But, all of that paled in importance compared to Waverly's happiness.

 

Waverly nodded, resigned. "My anxiety is not your responsibility. This won't work unless you actually want it. And honestly it would be nice if we could reach a normal relationship goal without the interference of everything my name means."

 

"I do wish that I at least lived closer," sighed Nicole. "But this is ranch country so everyone's nearest neighbor is a 5-minute drive away, minimum."

 

"Well we're not short on vehicles," Waverly replied with a wink and one-hand finger gun.

 

Nicole caught Waverly's hand and brought it to her lips, peppering her fingertips with a few light pecks. She pressed both of their hands against her chest, above her heart. "You know, we don't actually know how long it's going to take to... take care of... Bulshar. So... once you think Wynonna's in a better," she hesitated, searching for the right words. "A better state of mind," she said finally, "maybe then, we could look at places together. Or, something." She shrugged again, nervously. "Maybe?"

 

Waverly closed her eyes for just a moment. After Bulshar there would still be the revenants and even if they broke the curse she knew she'd have to stick around to make sure Alice was given vegetables, and toys that couldn't be fashioned into weapons. It seemed impossible that she could have a life separate from her family anytime soon. She opened her eyes again and stood up on her tiptoes to peck Nicole's lips. "Yes, baby. Maybe." It wasn't difficult to fake positivity any more. Painful, but not difficult. Just smile and wave and if waving isn't appropriate smile some more. She smiled. "Give CJ a pet from me."

 

"Hey," said Nicole, her gaze narrowing; something felt off. "Are you sure? That 'maybe' sounded more like a 'maybe not'. What aren't you telling me?"

 

Waverly shrugged one shoulder. "Nothing, baby. I really, really hope that happens someday." She did hope, even if she didn't believe. But hope had seen her through a lot.

 

"But you don't think it will," Nicole answered, stepping back slightly.

 

Waverly felt the space suddenly put between them jarringly, like a slap of nothingness. It felt much broader than the few inches it was. She inhaled a soft, slow breath. "I don't know how...or when... Wynonna will be ready for me to go. And she's not the only person in the picture any more. Her well-being is reliant on another person's well-being, a very tiny person who's going to need me around when we get her back."

 

"You're not the only person in her support system, Waves," countered Nicole. "She's got Doc and Dolls... and Jeremy... and me. She has **me** , too. Wynonna is my friend and I care about her. And I care about Alice. And all of us will be there to help and support her, through everything and with everything. But...," she took a breath, trying to calm herself down. "But, we deserve our life, too, Waverly. What about us?"

 

"You think I don't want us?" Waverly asked her voice dropping, fast and frustrated, "You're the only thing in the world I've ever known I've **wanted** just for **me** , just for my own happiness."

 

"And you **have** me, Waverly, you have me," Nicole stated emphatically. "I swear I'm not going anywhere unless you tell me to. But I can't be the only one compromising. There isn't a rush on this, but there will be a point where our relationship moves to the next level and we will need our own space. It could be a year or ten years from now and we'll need to figure this out. I...," She drifted off, trying to order her thoughts and hating herself for sounding so desperate and needy. She pulled back and braced herself against the bureau. "I love you, Waves. I want to marry you some day, to build a life and raise a family. We won't be able to do that if Wynonna **always** comes first."

 

Waverly kept Nicole's gaze, struggling as her vulnerability filled her face. "I betrayed her...and I destroyed everything. Because I love you. How can I do that again?"

 

Nicole froze as an icy chill ran down her spine. Her jaw tensed and her eyes widened. "Are you... are you saying that if you had to do it over again, you wouldn't save my life?" She shifted her feet, suddenly feeling hugely unsteady. "Because everything you and the doctors told me was that I had minutes. **Minutes** , Waves. And Wynonna didn't show up with Jeremy's antidote until almost an hour later." Nicole felt herself starting to hyperventilate. She wasn't normally one to panic; she was a cop and staying calm in a tense situation was part of her training – even simply a natural part of her personality. But suddenly finding herself faced with the possibility that her own girlfriend would make the decision **not** to save her life and it felt like she was about to have a very real, very scary, panic attack.

 

Waverly recognized this immediately, knowing what each subtle arch and every tensed muscle in Nicole's face meant. She stepped into that growing chasm between them and placed her hands on either side of Nicole's cheeks, letting them float down to her neck where she could feel the erratic thumping of her pulse. She closed her eyes and gently tugged Nicole's neck so it tilted down and she could rest their foreheads together. She didn't dare open her eyes because her eyelids were the only thing keeping her tears at bay. "Don't you see that I'm terrified because I **would** make that decision all over again? And that means at any point I could be faced with betraying my sister all over again but maybe, maybe if I can do **enough** right now, if I can keep her alive and functioning then maybe I won't lose her again or maybe she won't hate me or maybe for once things would just go my frickin' way and I could take a breath instead of fighting to make sure everyone else is still breathing."

 

The blood was rushing, pounding, in Nicole's ears. She squeezed her eyes tightly shut and tried to breathe. Tried to hear the words Waverly was saying to her through what sounded like the entire Pacific ocean crashing against the inside of her skull. She strained and fought and battled because she knew that what her girlfriend was trying to tell her was important. Vital. But she couldn't breathe. Even though she managed to hear Waverly say that she would save her again. She still couldn't breathe. "Wave, I can't," she choked. "Breathe. I can't--" Her knees buckled and she slid down to the floor.

 

"Baby!" Waverly went down with her, trying to soften the fall on the way. "Baby, breathe!" She tapped Nicole's cheek to get a response and dropped her head to Nicole's chest, listening for her heartbeat which pounded loudly.

 

Nicole gasped and coughed and sucked at the air, trying to pull it into her chest, willing her lungs to work. She reached out blindly and grabbed for Waverly, clasping on to one of her arms. Her eyes were wide and panicked. "W-Waves..."

 

Waverly clasped Nicole's hand tightly to reassure her she was there. "Try to breathe baby, I'm calling an ambulance. Don't you dare die okay? You promised, you agreed, no more dying!"

 

"No," she choked out, pulling Waverly down close to her face. "No, amb...amb...amb-lance." She swallowed and managed a breath. "'m okay. Just... don't go." She took another deep breath and felt herself growing drowsy from the sudden sensation of equilibrium as her breathing started to even out. "Don't go."

 

Waverly's brow knitted with concern but she trusted Nicole to know herself. She watched her take a few steadying breathes and calmed herself that Nicole's attack didn't seem to be progressing. She rubbed the space between Nicole's breasts and up over her heart with a slight pressure to focus her breathing. She then lifted her hand to Nicole's face and gently brushed her fingers over Nicole's cheek. "That's it baby. Just breathe."

 

Nicole felt tears pricking at the backs of her eyes. This was the last thing Waverly needed, and yet here she was adding to the pile, just like she hadn’t wanted to. "I'm sorry," she cried, grimacing at the whine of her voice. "I'm so sorry, baby. I shouldn't have said that. I shouldn't have said what I said," she hiccoughed.

 

"Shush, baby," Waverly comforted softly, "I'm so sorry I got you so worked up." The tears finally began to spill now that the shock was wearing off. Some spilled down her cheeks and she clumsily wiped them away.

 

"We'll live here, ok?" Nicole sniffled. "We'll live here on the homestead and we'll raise our kids here and grow old here, ok? There's nothing wrong with living here, baby. I'm sorry I was being so selfish." She reached up and brushed a few strands of hair behind Waverly's ear.

 

Waverly leaned down and kissed Nicole again, hard enough to mean it without making her fight for a breath again. She pulled back just enough to look at Nicole with her glassy eyes. She smiled; vulnerable but unwaveringly sure. "It's my turn." She knew Nicole would remember. "Where you go, I go."

 

Nicole exhaled out a soft laugh. She did remember. It was one of the very few recollections she'd managed to carry with her from the "other" Purgatory.

 

Nicole's laugh was the most joyous sound Waverly could hear in that moment and made Waverly laugh right back. Her hand slid back down to Nicole's heart and felt it returning to its normal rhythm. She exhaled in relief. "You scared me baby."

 

"I'm sorry, I don't know... I don't know what that was." She pushed herself up to a sitting position, grunting a little with the effort. "That’s never happened to me before."

 

Waverly sat back to allow her the room. She rubbed Nicole's back and tenderly fixed her shirt where it had gotten skewed as she’d dropped.

 

"Can you do me a favor," asked Nicole.

 

"Anything," Waverly answered, leaving her palm pressed to the small of Nicole's back.

 

"This isn't a test, I swear," she began, "and you can say 'no' and that's fine." Nicole looked down at her hands. "Would you come home with me tonight? Call Dolls and ask him to stay here?"

 

"Yes," Waverly replied without hesitating.

 

"You don't have to--"

 

Waverly leaned in and cut her off with a kiss. "Take me home." She paused, letting their noses brush affectionately. "Because that's wherever you are."

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Hi there! As noted at the top this vignette is part of a series of collaborations Laragh and I have worked on together.
> 
> We used a theatrical improvisation technique to write these pieces and I think that it helped to create something really special. We'd log into a chatting application and literally write back and forth just like a real conversation, only we were "in character" the entire time, and also included descriptive elements just as you would when writing a standard fic.
> 
> The pieces we came up with started from mere suggestions such as "I wonder if Waverly worries about Nicole's past romantic experience" and went from there. Because we aren't planning beyond the initial idea and figuring on a location or activity, the result is a truly spontaneous conversation. Neither of us had any idea what the other was going to say/write and so the reactions and responses are genuine. We caught each other out and surprised each other constantly.
> 
> What you're reading is literally our chat logs copied and pasted into a word document, and then edited for grammar, punctuation, spelling and usage.
> 
> I (DW) always write for Nicole and Laragh always writes for Waverly. (We might change this up at some point, but these assignments have been working well for us so far).
> 
> We hope that you enjoy these little vignettes. We've purposefully created a backlog so that we will always have something ready to post weekly for quite some time.
> 
> Cheers!  
> DW & Laragh
> 
> Disclaimer: Waverly and Nicole and other characters borrowed from the television show Wynonna Earp are the property of their creators, and their affiliates, NBCUniversal, Syfy, Space and IDW Publishing. The characters may not belong to us, but this series does. Please don’t plagiarize.


End file.
